Boundaries - A Personal Brand
Do you ever feel unheard?
Do you feel that regardless of communicating how you feel and what you desire, your friends or family just don’t hear you or respect what you’re saying?
Do they tell you that it’s because your communication is poor or unclear? When you know in your heart and soul that it isn’t.
Do you have to communicate what you need multiple times, in multiple ways and as a result sometimes express yourself too directly or discourteously? Do you then feel even more guilty, hurt, or confused because you’re being gaslit or told that you’re mean, manipulative or rude?
You are not alone.
I’ve been where you’re at and, some days, I still am. Which is why boundaries have become my new best friend. If you responded yes to any of the questions above, perhaps you too, need to create more boundaries in your life. This is your sign and the time to start is now.
So what exactly are boundaries?
Boundaries are unique to our individuality and they’re used to protect our values. They are loving and they teach us not only how to love ourselves but how we want others to love us also. They are dynamic, changeable and come with plenty of trial and error. Simply put, boundaries are just a space between you and I. They are not right or wrong or good or bad. Boundaries just are or are not and the only person justified in setting and judging them is you.
Why do we need them?
Boundaries help us identify who we are and what matters to us most. They protect our integrity and well-being. If we do not know our limits, desires, and deal breakers then we’re misleading ourselves and the people in our lives. Setting boundaries helps us feel accurately known, loved in the way we want to be loved, and supported in our authenticity.
How to know a boundary is violated.
One of the best pieces of advice my mother ever gave me was to listen to my intuition. And when I first committed to setting boundaries, not knowing exactly what boundaries I needed to put in place and with who, my intuition is where I began looking for guidance. Some of you may feel it in your body. Often in your tummy or heart. It can be a physiological feeling or a psychological one. Sometimes I would feel angry and full of rage, other times unloved, less important, or unworthy. But what I learned, once I started listening, was that all those negative feelings were telling me exactly where a boundary needed to be set.
How to communicate a boundary.
Over the years I have read books on boundary setting, I have listened to podcasts, I have covered educational modules on it and the most simple way to communicate a boundary is two-parts:
FIRST
You must communicate exactly what the boundary is that you are setting. For example, “If you continue to show up to my house unannounced…”
SECOND
Establish a clear consequence; “I will stop answering the door and inviting you in”.
A boundary can not be properly set if the person does not know what they are doing wrong and what the consequence will be if they continue. You owe it to yourself and to them to start being honest, clear, and transparent. You do not have to put others down or cut them off entirely. Your feelings are not any less important than theirs. Boundaries are a beautiful gesture and are there for both parties.
TL;DR
Learning to set boundaries is no joke. It can be scary, uncomfortable, and empowering all at once. It takes time, practice, and patience. Similar to learning a new language, you don’t become fluent overnight, it’s an art that requires your dedication. That being said, like a foreign accent or new language, boundaries are sexy. Believe me.
Unsure of where to start?
Reach out today for a free one-hour consultation and let’s start making friends with boundaries.