Is your vulnerability being met with invalidation?
A letter to our friends and family
This past year has been by far the hardest year of my life. I truly felt like I was living in an emotional black hole and despite my best efforts to put on a forged persona, I embodied darkness.
At the foundation of it all was a five-and-a-half-year lawsuit with ICBC, an unruly and traumatizing process. It impacted my life in ways far worse than the car accident itself. The closer we got to a settlement, the more involvement ICBC had in my life, and the more involvement they had, the more unraveled I became.
While learning to adjust to my new life and self, I was awakening to much deeper-rooted issues. Having never experienced any serious physical or psychological challenges up until this point, I felt like I was having an out of body experience. It was a lot and it surfaced all at once. The most challenging part of it all, was feeling like my support system was regularly invalidating my feelings.
To be told that the world is suffering alongside me, to be grateful that my situation is not worse, and that everyone was depressed, did the exact opposite of what I was looking for in those moments; their acknowledgements fueled more emotional pain. I did not want to be compared to others and hearing that people were also suffering certainly did not bring me any peace. I was not in a realm of expansion and gratitude, and telling me I should be, felt like I was being gaslit. It made me feel rejected, selfish, unheard, and that my pain and vocalization of that suffering was invalid.
“If it doesn’t feel good, it probably isn’t.”
When we are vulnerable enough to share what we’re going through, we’re not asking for others to make it better. I think often, if we are asking for anything it is compassion, a safe place to share, and a place to feel heard. We are not asking others to repair anything, rather just allow us to be as we are without needing or expecting us to feel differently or better. Both sides of the human experience are vital and meant to be lived.
So, the next time that you are vulnerable enough to share with others how you are feeling and why you’re hurting, and you are met with comparisons and unsolicited advice, know that even though it might be coming from a loving place,if it is making you feel invalidated you are entitled to express that and ask for the support you do need. Without feeling your feels, you will not be able to heal.
If you are struggling to find safe spaces to meet your emotions or to be heard, I am here to offer you that space. Reach out today and know that whatever it is you’re feeling is valid.
If you are struggling to find safe spaces in which to meet your emotions or be heard I am here to offer you that space.
Know that whatever it is you are feeling is valid.